Alyssa, USA

My name is Alyssa. I’m an Asian American, born and raised in California. I do social media marketing as a freelancer. I’ve started recently. I’ve also been working on a new project since last December: SIRO, it’s an acronym for Search Inwards Reach Outwards. It has turned into my biggest passion. Right now, it’s a personal project, but hopefully soon I will create a journal out of it. The idea came out a few months later after I graduated while I was at work writing playfully in my notebook. The purpose is to show people the little things they can do to improve their lives. There’s so much we can do to increase our happiness and well-being every single day. Happiness is purely cultivated in the present moment. We don’t live in the past or in the future, so, to expect something from a place that doesn’t exist, it’s unreasonable.

Before the pandemic started, I was out of my parent’s house for quite some time. Even after I graduated from college because I started travelling a lot. I went to Paris and the East Coast here in the US. That was in January 2020. Right after that I started a job and moved back home. Basically, I’ve been back since mid-March, which is when the lockdown started. Now that I’m back, a lot of things have changed. It’s been interesting this process of re-construction with my parents. Now we see each other for who we are as individuals, as actual humans. But we have managed it pretty well. We set new boundaries and formed a new language between us. So, it has been a real positive change in my life. Especially this time.

We grew up with so many conditions and assumptions based on one perspective only. Somehow, whenever I was home my inner child started kicking in. It was like going back to my child self. It was a big challenge for me to get that out of my head. To overcome my ego and child trauma. To let go of those hurtful stories I kept with myself for so many years, that lacked objectivity. I would say it was the number one challenge to create a new relationship with my parents.

I got into a new relationship. We met last July during the pandemic, and now we are moving in together. My partners in the past were never someone secure. They were always someone who avoided attachment and didn’t take responsibility for their actions and neither did I. So, I was in a place where I grew to be more aware of those triggers. Then I met my boyfriend, and he is completely the opposite. He is secure, and his actions align perfectly with his words and himself. To confront my past became an obstacle in my relationship, because I was projecting my past experiences with my present partner.

We had to create a foundation. I had to learn that no human is perfect and that we must be patient with each other. Instead of being passive-aggressive, we communicate. Instead of assuming we ask. Instead of turning to frustration we take a moment. It’s been hard, but now I can see what I need to work on. It’s reassuring to know that there is someone who loves you, despite the negative things you are or think you are. We created a place to grow.

It is a challenge to break old stories and create new ones. One that helps you and the other person. We need to let go of perceptions and ideas that no longer serve us. The point is to create a new experience with patience, love and understanding. To see things as they are not as we think they are. To distinguish reality from illusion.

I’ve gained a lot of clarity during this time, in terms of what I want to do. Before the pandemic I was feeling stuck. I didn’t execute my goals. When the pandemic started, I saw a lot of people making the best out of it and it gave me courage to start questioning myself. I used to tell myself that I couldn’t accomplish most of the things I wanted to do. But I started believing in myself and changed my mindset. Instead of thinking short term I shifted into long term. What’s important to me now is to build a good foundation for the future, even if that means not getting enough money now. Letting go of the ego that comes from immediate satisfaction.